Typed Words Here

Night Shift

Wed, 18 May 2011 06:34:27 GMT

I miss Karlo more when I know we won't be seeing each other for the day. For the next few days I'll be on the night shift, whereas Karlo will stay in the morning shift. We have created a workaround for this, and yet it still hurts when I know we won't go home together from work. :(

I miss you love!

Looking back

Mon, 02 May 2011 08:06:04 GMT

After more than a year of neglecting this jounal, I finally decided to revive it and start writing again. Incidentally, reading about the past year's entries was fun and frustrating. It was fun because I got to read about me and my issues, priorities, and musings, but it was frustrating because of all the unmet expectations and plans I made for myself. It promised to travel last year and go to places like Sagada but it's now 2011 and I've yet to see it. I'm not yet done with my masters and completing it is such a difficult thing to do- not be because of work, but because I'm slowly losing confidence in myself. I don't think I'm ready for my compre and I don't even have a solid topic for my thesis. Sigh. here's to life, folks.

Looking for a roommie asap.

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 14:41:56 GMT

Where: prince david, Katipunan Ave., Loyola Heights, QC. accessible to LRT katipunan station and other modes of public transportation.
Average of P4k/month, no downpayment, just papers that need signing;
4k includes: cable tv, landline, wireless internet, electricity,water, rent + association dues.

Roommates: a programmer and a trainer, (both working in Makati, and we both get to our respective offices in time for 7am meetings and training schedules without taking a cab) and a teacher (who likewise needs to get to work by 7am).

Masaya tumira sa katipunan kahit sa malayo ka nagta-trabaho o nag-aaral. ;)

studio type condo, newbie will occupy top bunk. whee.

comment here or send an email to lincastillo at gmail dot com for questions.

too long of a wait.

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 13:33:01 GMT

In two hours his shift will have finished, and I cannot wait till then. Being on separate shifts is awful, but at the same time I think the separation will also help in making the relationship stronger.

On February 16 we turn 3 months old. This is our first Valentines day, my first--technically, and while we both agreed not to "celebrate" it with the rest of the world, I am thankful that I do have my valentine. :)

I dared to give him an ultimatum of sorts one afternoon after a silly fight: "If you want to lose me do that again." He sighed, placed his hands in his pockets, and in utter resignation told me, "I don't want to lose you." I have this uncanny talent of parking things--say, in the middle of a fight/argument/processing (we're trainers, what can you expect, eh?) I can easily say, "You have to go back to work." or "I have to go back to work." It's not that I avoid conflict, but for me, even fights have a place--and fights have no place in the office. I hope that I do not give the impression that work takes primacy over him. NO. It's just that to argue in the office, or to let personal issues get in the way of work, will be taken against US. I cannot have that. "We" are too precious to be disturbed by such things.

I love the guy. And I'm so happy that I'm with him. When I'm with him. Three months in 4 days. Who's counting? I am, and I can't wait to spend an entire lifetime with him.

Out.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:17:24 GMT

I promised myself that I'll tell my parents first before telling the rest of the world. :)

This weekend is all about coming out for us. I love the fact that hardly anyone in office knew that something was going on, but when they started to piece things together they realized that it all made sense.

We make sense.

This is good. This is good.

Since you found me.

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 13:50:02 GMT

Variations on the Word Love

This is a word we use to plug
holes with. It's the right size for those warm
blanks in speech, for those red heart-
shaped vacancies on the page that look nothing
like real hearts. Add lace
and you can sell
it. We insert it also in the one empty
space on the printed form
that comes with no instructions. There are whole
magazines with not much in them
but the word love, you can
rub it all over your body and you
can cook with it too. How do we know
it isn't what goes on at the cool
debaucheries of slugs under damp
pieces of cardboard? As for the weed-
seedlings nosing their tough snouts up
among the lettuces, they shout it.
Love! Love! sing the soldiers, raising
their glittering knives in salute.

Then there's the two
of us. This word
is far too short for us, it has only
four letters, too sparse
to fill those deep bare
vacuums between the stars
that press on us with their deafness.
It's not love we don't wish
to fall into, but that fear.
this word is not enough but it will
have to do. It's a single
vowel in this metallic
silence, a mouth that says
O again and again in wonder
and pain, a breath, a finger
grip on a cliffside. You can
hold on or let go.

-Margaret Atwood

(I needed to use the words of another as your existence in my life renders me silent, awed, grateful.)

For You, #11 :)

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 11:11:43 GMT

"The Fear You Won't Fall"
by Joshua Radin

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

Spring cleaning.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 11:16:49 GMT

Now that my room has expanded in space, I finally brought home three boxes worth of accumulated paper/readings/books that were all previously stored at the condo in Katipunan. I spent Thursday sorting them out and throwing the unnecessary things, and then today, sorting them again and throwing out unnecessary stuff, which, thankfully, brought the original 4 boxes down to 2. My bookshelf is now filled with books, and in as much as I want to organize them (by size, category, unread/unfinished), I think I'll save that errand on my next VL.

Yes, the paid vacation that any company affords its employees were all just spent cleaning. It wasn't so bad though, strangely enough I felt that the day whizzed by and it wasn't as slow as the other long weekends that I've had. Tomorrow is another MA session, and I'll try to 1) Not let the comments of my professor get to me and 2) recite and show him that I can handle his subject. I finished the required readings today and plan on reviewing them tonight just so I'll feel uber prepared for the class tomorrow.

In other news, I was finally given a class to teach though it'll be on the mid-shift. It's a 6-day run so it'll end on Friday. I promise to be very efficient as this is only my second try to run a mid-shift class with a Saturday class. The last time this happened I ended up missing two MA sessions. :(

random musings.

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 01:59:35 GMT

1. Think I can pull-off a Gwyneth Paltrow hairdo on sliding Doors? The really short, modified pixie cut? I might have it done by October.

2. Off to watch Coraline, again. Let's pray I don't fall asleep this time.

3. I must exercise restraint. I met someone last week and pray I don't spoil it this time. Believe me, I learned my lesson the last time!

Operations. Realization.

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:13:09 GMT

I was on the production floor for three days/nights (it was my first time on night shift. totally disorients the way one understands time. Borges was right all along!) and I have to admit, being in a different environment, one that is so dynamic, erratic, and very fast-paced, turned out to be a fun experience! Thanks heaps to Kodi and the other trainers who were so accommodating and helpful. To be in the training department is fun and fulfilling. To be in operations is where one gets to see the fruits of one's labor (ideally, that is).

OH. I discovered a major turn-on for me:

He MUST BE SMART and ARTICULATE. intelligence is sexy. and if he demonstrates that he has an awesome command of ze English language...OH BE STILL MY HEART!

Case in point: crushie on the floor! But I won't see him again so that's that. It was fun while it lasted. CHARENG.

Grabe talaga sa call center. Mabilis ang mga pangyayari. Mabilis lahat.

Sign Language, Surprise Party

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 03:58:50 GMT

had a very interesting Saturday. It was the last day of the term and we capped the subject of Teaching Literature by watching the last 5 teaching demos of our class. The last one was of Migs, and his module was teaching the short story, "There Will Come Soft Rains" to deaf students. It was such a thrill to watch him teach, and thankfully we had one classmate who knows how to sign, so all (at least most) of our comments and questions did not have to be written on the board for him to understand. I learned the sign for words like, "Technology", "Science", "Fiction", "Thank you", "You're Welcome" and how to spell "Wall-E". I came out of the a lot smarter, (hehe), but at the same time my ignorance was further highlighted. le sigh. i want to learn sign language!

After the class i rushed to LPL mansion in greenhills to attend a friend's surprise birthday party. It was so much fun! I met a lot of new people, all of whom were really nice. To add to this list of new experiences, it was my first time to smoke unfiltered cigarettes! all we had were rolling (or wrapping?) paper and the actual tobacco leaves. they taste so much better, and there's no problem of leaving non-biodegradable filters around.

after the party (and eating loads and loads of food. We had Crab! CRAB!!!! and PIZZA!!! and cookies!!!) i took the cab with an officemate back to trinoma where i met my sister. we both waited for our parents to pick us.

i like this weekend, mamsirs. I like this weekend. :)

Although alert! :( i might be placed on night shift next week. Heaven help!

Break, Blow, Burn (my money away, away)

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 09:36:07 GMT

While waiting for the 10pm showing of UP last thursday, my roommie (and jules) and i, however reluctantly, decided to swing by the FUlly Booked shop near the Eastwood Mall Cinemas. (incidentally, we were able to score tix for the movie, albeit on row C. and this is for the 10pm show). Because I allow myself 1000/month self-splurging money, I know I'm not supposed to buy anything else as I've spent my money on a foot spa session and other R n R stuff.

Then I saw this book, sitting there, as though waiting for me:

I did not give myself time to evaluate said purchase. I grabbed the book, went in line and paid for it.

The only question was: Should I have bought the new Billy Collins' book too?

Or the newest Poetry Daily?

Le sigh.

The purchase, as expected, was totally worth it. I haven't finished the book yet, and proudly showed it to my classmates this morning in class. They all want a copy now, as it was one of our bibles back in the Modern Poetry and Poetics class we had two terms back.

iloveitiloveitiloveit to bits. :)

Pang-Obrero.

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:36:33 GMT

Ang beauty ko either pang:

1. Taxi driver. Ilang beses na din akong nasabihan ng maganda habang nakasakay ng taxi.

Or

2. Pang security guard:

Guard: "Ma'am, taxi po?"
Lin: "Ah, pwede po ba magpakuha ng taxi?"
Guard: "Opo ma'am. Basta po...basta ikaw."

AMPOOOOOOTAH!!!!!

Si Lin. Pang-obrero.

Glee!

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 03:16:44 GMT

This is all because of Arvin. He made us watch the pilot ep of Glee and now I can't wait for it. Mabuhay ang torrent!

I think it was Ria who said, at least based on the first episode, Glee is an optimistic/idealistic show. And I couldn't be more grateful for that. Aren't we tired of TV shows that depict high school life as nothing but full of sex, drugs, and violence? I know shows want to be more realistic so that their viewers can actually connect with the story, but seriously, I watch TV precisely to escape and and to be entertained, not be reminded of what I have to go through each and every day.

So, Glee is very similar to High School Musical, only that it actually has better singers, and that they talk about music and finding one's own voice. Their teacher is also part of said process, in that he needs to reevaluate the kind of life he's living. You still have the same issues of segregation, popular vs. non-popular kids, but I guess want to know where the show takes these issues.

Hmm. Life Plans. Brought about by A Conversation with Susie.

1. Buy a cello, learn how to play the cello, perform a piece.
2. Get published.
3. Travel to Palawan, Cebu, Sagada.
4. Visit Europe and different Asian countries.
5. Finish my master's degree.
6. Pursue my Ph.D, in the US.
7. Shop at Greenbelt 5.
8. Sky dive
9. Learn how to swim and ride a bike.
10. Perform in a play production.

Life is what you make it, yah.

pagkakamali.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:16:41 GMT

May isang tao na halos gabi-gabi na niya akong inaayang lumabas, at halos gabi-gabi ko na din siyang tinatanggihan.

Bakit kamo?

Kase halos gabi-gabi na rin akong umuuwi ng...hmm.. gabi, kahit umaga pa ang simula ng shift ko.

So, the last thing he said to me over text?

"Excuses. Bahala ka, minsan lang ako mag-aya."

Umm.

EH AYAW KO NGA EH. AMPUTA.

I feel like I'm Ariel

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:06:17 GMT

Minus the tail and the gills.

I lost my voice last Monday and until today it remains raspy and hoarse. The fact that I karaoke-ed the night away last Saturday did not help the recovery process at all. The Team Mark/Stellar/Shiny/Shimmery/Sparkly outing was awesome, although I know I would've enjoyed it more had I had my usual "singing" voice. PLUS PLUS PLUS, this frustrates me because that I have (cute) trainees and that all they'll remember about me is my awful voice. :(

MWAHAHAH. Priorities, priorities.

Semi-cleaned my stuff today and separated the things that i want to keep in the condo and those that I want to bring home. Since my room was expanded I finally have space for my books and maybe a little bit of my sentimental trash. I also had two pairs of shoes repaired today, and was suppose to pay my credit card bill but then I left my credit card details at the condo. Oh well.

I love the fact that Tricia (scubahigh) sent me a birthday card. We had my post-dinner at Madison Grill (fast becoming my favorite resto) last week and she was able to introduce me to her boy. :) I'm very happy for the both of them, and I think they have this balance that they were able to achieve at the onset of their friendship, and eventually their relationship. Basta, happy ako sa relationship nila.

(Plus ni-libre ako nila ako ng dinner and dessert. He's got my vote!)

Nalulungkot ako kase namamalat pa rin ako. :(

Happy birthday Jay! :)

i'm 26! I'm 26!

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:36:04 GMT

Officially, I have crossed over on what we call as the "mid-20s" age bracket. Officially, I am on the "late 20s" category.

Doesn't matter. I still look 23 or even younger.

The birthday passed on quietly as I spent it with a few of my teammates at the Ortigas site. Since we were in a different site, nobody really knew that it was my birthday. The few who did (good thing) have been fed happily on a previous date. (returned to Madison Grille at Greenbelt 5 for my birthday dinner. SUPER AWESOME FOOD. the only complaint i have with that place is that some of the stuff that we wanted to order were unavailable. Like that creamy Dory!)

Daks all.

So now back to work. The past three weeks have been light for me, as I didn't run a class. instead i was given projects and projects and projects to finish, and by july 27, i will have been done with nearly all of them.

i skipped class today as i was on straight mid-shifts. just was too tired this morning. Bleh. too bad though, because i heard there was an awesome discussion on Noli.

Le sigh. back to work.

(note: this week was pretty empowering. True that i complain about singlehood and whatnot, but it is just a thought at the back of my head. I will not pursue a relationship as though it's a master's degree or a promotion i'm running after. I. JUST. CAN.T. I'm dealing with a person here! with feelings! and dignity!)

NOOOOOO!!!!

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:47:52 GMT

FINALLY DID IT! NOOOO!!!!

(looked for crush's facebook account. found it. sobrang hot niya sa picture!)

NOOOOOO!!!!

July 20, 2009 Wishlist

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:26:48 GMT

1. Flowers, as always. :)
2. For all my trainees to pass.
3. For all my succeeding trainees to pass.
4. A high paying teaching job.
5. A surprise party.
6. the new incubus album.
7. Books, books, books.
8. a boyfriend, a potential boyfriend, a date. take your pick, God.
9. A DVD writer
10. Starbucks GCs that will last me a month. :)
11. A brown leather bag.
12. Sandals.
13. Dressy tops.
14. Budget to have my hair rebonded.
15. that plastic/leather case where you can put your clothes without folding them or getting them wrinkled? Yeah, that one.

26 years.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 09:08:26 GMT

Hmm. Birthday wish list to come very soon!

Life Plans number ???

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 12:21:17 GMT

My hands feel dry because of the cooking and washing i did earlier. The point of all this is to help me conserve funds. My mom gave strict orders yesterday about saving money, whatever amount i can, since I did a lot of spending this month, with the enrollment slashing my savings to nearly half.

(only to find out that I get two Saturdays off since there's an H1N1 scare at DLSU)

Hopefully the managers keep me on the morning shift seeing that I am more active and efficient as I really am a morning person (hmm, the effects of waking up at 5am to get to work at 6am hardly ever changes a person), and when they place me at the mid-shift i still wake up at 8am. It really doesn't help anyone. I wonder if I can get any doctor to certify the body clock that I have..maybe something about my ovaries?

I don't really know what I'm saying.

Hmm..

I miss my dad horribly but hopefully he'll be home by the end of this month. He's been away since January, and i dont know if he plans on going abroad again by january next year. I love fridays because it's the day I go home to novaliches and be with my family. Others can't seem to understand that...or..,they just don't appreciate the value of HOME, as most of my new friends still live with their parents. I don't, so whatever chance I get to see them, I make sure that I grab it.

This is my second class solo, and I think I finally got the groove of things. I still don't eat lunch or usually just get a quick bite or so, because i seriously just want to finish work while we're on break.

But more importantly, being in this job really made me realize how much I long to be an environment where you form lasting relationships with people. I distinctly remember complaining about living a teacher's life before--where being a teacher doesn't really stop when the 3:25 pm bell rings to signal dismissal time. But then it's the very same reason why it's such a great job to have. I know, I know, i sound really sentimental, but I really cannot wait to return to teaching high school kids. The lure of teaching college students faded rather fast when I started training agents who belong to the same age group as college students would be. I guess, I'd willingly teach college students when I'll handle a literature major class.

I don't know...I guess I want a job that has heart.

Hopefully though, after two or three years, my market value has increased (academically and financially), and that I can safely say that I can go back to teaching and stay there for the rest of my life.

And now to find that boyfriend.

One year, and then maybe another, and perhaps not a third.

Sun, 24 May 2009 15:17:23 GMT

Hmm. Prolly Pat said it the best:

"Guys, nagtitipid ako, mag-Cibo tayo."

Dapat daw ganun na yung mga susunod na pag-uusap naming magkakaibigan. :) ibig sabihin, afford na natin magshopping sa Greenbelt 5 (think Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, Balenciaga [!!!] and the all time fave Louis Vuitton).

This was after a pricey BUT totally worth-it post-birthday lunch at Madison Grill and afternoon coffee at UCC. IN FURNEZ um-effort ang grey tablers na nagpunta. Rita has the pics (paki upload, para may proof na pumunta tayo and for like 2 hours we were like, "IN" with the Makati crowd. (although ang ingay pa din namin TO THE NTH LEVEL pero KEBS!!!!) Incidentally may fashion show nung nagpunta kami.

"Guys wag tayo dumaan diyan. Mukha akong kawawa!" (that was me, referring to my uber casual wardrobe that day) PERO KEBS!!!!

so yun.

at pramis, ang sarap, sarap, sarap, sarap magtagalog. sa office kase bawal mag Filipino. at dahil halos tuwing weekend lang ako nakakapag salita ng Filipino (kase naman, pagdating ko ng condo, tulog yung roommates ko. paggising ko ng 10am, wala na sila. shempre pag nakasakay ako ng tren eh wala naman akong kausap, pagdating ko ng office, English na agad.) nilulubos-lubos ko ang mga pagkakataong iyon. diba!

At isa pa! MA na ulit! for the first time, ako ang nagbayad ng tuition ko (hahah, natapos na ang scholarship fund ko sa Castillo Foundation..choz) pero sobrang natutuwa ako. Finally, A BREAK FROM ALL THIS! :)

oo, na-eexcite akong mag-aral, kase ang tagal-tagal ko nang wala sa academe (meaning 2 months).

and yung subject line, hmm, tungkol yan sa projection ko ng aking career. malakas ang tawag ng pagtuturo. sana tapos na ang MA ko by 2011.

(Napanood ko pala yung UFC 98 kanina at gusto ko mapanood yung replay. Ang galing ni Lyoto Machida!)

setting long term goal 1: travel extensively this year

Thu, 07 May 2009 13:37:47 GMT

1. Cebu/Bacolod: august.
2. Zambales/Baguio (that's because I love Baguio): October.
3. Macau/Singapore: December.

Only because i think i can save money for it. hope they all come true!

weekend

Sun, 03 May 2009 11:45:50 GMT

1. secretly thankful that the server was down last saturday so we all got off work early (make up classes were held in line of the may 1 holiday)
2. Manny won! BOOYAH! After two rounds, Pacquiao owned Hatton yeah baby yeah!
3. Wondering what would happen if i pursued that thompson reuters job.
4. Missing novaliches immensely.

week 1.

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 08:48:59 GMT

Last Monday, I started working as a trainer for call center agents. I do not have an official class yet so for now I am just observing the class of one of the trainers. Since he likes the midshift, I am placed on the same schedule too (3-11pm) but hopefully that'll change when I get my own class.

The work per se is not that different from what I have been doing for three years, but it is a lot more intimidating because I need to learn so many things. It's not simply a matter of teaching the agents correct grammar and pronunciation, the job calls for teaching them American culture (which can include anything under the sun, like geography, pop culture, history, and whatnot), something that I need to look into more deeply. With this, I am tempted to take this translation class next term, just to see if i can understand the mechanics of language and thought processes involved in it.

The people in the office are AMAZING, all bubbly, fun, and helpful. I think it comes with being in a profession close to teaching, where interaction with people is just as important as the actual lessons taught inside the classroom. I guess it also comes with the culture that they try to surround themselves with, because I've had encounters where it is the supervisors who would introduce themselves to me. While the distance between our ranks is very stark (i'm a meager associate trainer and they happen to be senior managers), the fact that they are the ones who would approach me and offer their hand really demonstrates the kind of relationship they wish to establish with their colleagues.

The past week, is of course, not without its own set of shit. For example, in fulfilling my pre-employment requirements, i was asked to go to NBI carriedo to get my clearance. I survived that mini-trip to a place that I am totally unfamiliar with, but it has caused me to be late on my second day of work. GREAT. that's boo-book # 1 for you. The second stupidity moment that I have committed involves the one of the many accounts i have to create while being employed in Convergys. Once an employee gets his/her employee number, all sorts of privileges and responsibilities pop out, and one of them is to set-up various accounts to access the different software that we need to use. While trying to log-on into a web-based program, I have managed to lock my account because for some reason, it won't accept my username and password. GREAT. the first thing I did was to run to my manager and confess this stupidity. While we were trying to troubleshoot it, we realized that it wasn't just a matter of me putting in the wrong password. there was something wrong with the system (or something!) that's why I was having a hard time. This totally ruined my day, but then again, am just happy that my manager (who reminds me of my cousin, totally) really was there to help me out.

I am looking forward to next week because it'll signal a lot of new things for me on this job.

And more than that, after next week, i get my salary. THANK GOD.

Yesterday was really, really fun! We held a baby shower for two of my high school friends and it was so lovely to catch-up with them. Le sigh. gets me all teary eyed all of a sudden.

Random thoughts:

1. i want a really, really, cold drink.
2. the past two days have been horrible for my "diet". bleh. (this isn't a formal diet. it's just that my cholesterol level is alarmingly high so i need to do something about it. i.don.t.want.to.get.sick.) that being said, i would love a chickenjoy right now.

Off to national bookstore to look for books.